he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
