..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm jealous of your bromance
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
