I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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