Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This toilet bowl is my home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
