I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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