OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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