Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
