he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
