Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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