I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
