Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
