this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
