He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
