That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
