onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
