when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
