Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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