Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
