once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
