I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
