it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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