mondays should just be called national damage control day
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
