Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
