thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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