I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
