drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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