Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
