Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
