I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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