Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
