Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
