Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
