well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
