i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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