The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
