You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
