And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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