Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
