Who did Billy Mays play for?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
