You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
