I am in a vortex of obligation.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it was like eating out sand paper
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
