Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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