Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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