His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
