I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
