oh god the rape fog is back!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
