PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
