My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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