We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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