Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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