listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
