dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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