We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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