If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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