Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Randomize
