I am puke
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My feet surprised me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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