He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
